Laying on my living room floor looking at the surprisingly large dust bunnies under the couch (I mean really, how do they get so big?) I am thinking about the precipitating factor that got me here: stress. Okay, so to be honest, a couple of physical jobs, a history of back issues and sitting are also what laid me low, but stress plays a larger part than most people think.
As a part time student, working full time at several contract positions, volunteering with several organizations, all while trying to have a life, stress is as second nature to me as breathing. The question, I guess, is how to manage my commitments and the stress that comes from them. Now I could go on about diet, exercise, natural remedies, mediation and yoga (and I have, at length in other posts) but the reality is that there aren’t enough hours in the day. Today another back pain sufferer and robaxecet pusher jokingly said that if she could do yoga every day then she wouldn’t have any problems, but then who would do her laundry and pick up her daughter from school?
Maybe that’s what is so upsetting about it all. The myth pushed onto us that we can do it all, that we should, that it’s really our fault if we can’t find balance. I am tired of seeing blogs about the ‘5 things that balanced people do every day’, or ’10 ways to have it all’. Those tips will not help me accomplish all the tasks I have listed on sticky notes pasted all over my apartment, they won’t help me sleep at night when my mind races, they won’t stop the spasms in my back. It just places the blame for my lack of balance squarely on my shoulders, or more accurately on my lower back. It goes without saying, or it should, that what goes up must come down and juggling life is no different. Eventually, you (me, everyone) will drop the ball.
Reading this over, I feel like I should have some over riding moral or conclusion instead of just blathering on about the impossibility of balance. I have none. Maybe I am just tired. Maybe I am just overwhelmed. Maybe I am just in pain.
Shifting into another position (more dust bunnies, it’s like I never sweep!) and a little more comfortable, I can think again. Maybe that is the over riding message, a little shifting is necessary from time to time. Or maybe the melatonin and muscle relaxers are just kicking in.